It’s all relative

Lately I’ve noticed that quite a few people have apologised to me for things they’ve said about their children.

For example just the other day my friend who has a son with cerebral palsy apologised to me for ‘going on’ in her words about her worries for him when she realises that her son is in a better situation than Samuel. I adore her son. I adore both her children. I love hearing about them and do also worry about him and hope that her boy will thrive and overcome his obstacles.

Also recently a friend apologised for grumbling about her children who were being a pair of pickles. She was worried that it upset me because of course Sam cannot be naughty, which is one of the many things we will miss out on unfortunately. I do actually love hearing about her boys who sound like a pair of characters and hearing about their naughtiness does make me smile!

But it is all relative. What about when I moan about Sam’s horrendous nappies? The headache of teething? When I’ve had a bad night sleep because I’ve had to be up all night with him? When he’s pooed in the bath and I just don’t know what to do?

I have a lovely friend who lost her precious boy in the 38th week of her pregnancy. She never got to hold her baby, cuddle him and bring him home, do his nappies, put him in the pram and take him out and about and show him off. I get to do that. I get to do mummy things. It’s about enjoying every little moment and realising and appreciating what you’ve got and giving it a jolly good squeeze.

We are so incredibly lucky.

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10 thoughts on “It’s all relative

  1. Doh! Computer just lost my last reply… but as I agree with you so much about this I’ll have to try again…. I have often tried to stop moaning on my own blog about how life is difficult, as I do think of others who have more difficult situations to get through. I have a good friend who lost her little girl to SIDS at 15 months, and she was just 6 months older than my girl at the time. I often wonder how I can complain at all, when at least I do have a healthy, albeit ‘special’, girl to hug and my friend no longer does. I have no idea how any parent can cope with that level of grief.
    But in some ways you just have to get on with your own life, and not worry about what others are thinking or having to deal with. Sometimes you make your own luck and sometimes you just have to deal with what you are given. It would upset me to think my friends couldn’t tell me how well their children are doing because they don’t want to upset me – but to be honest I’m aware that some probably do feel that way. Yes it’s tough to hear some times, but ‘real life’ does go on and I don’t want to live in a bubble away from it.
    The trouble is that not everyone knows what to say or how to react naturally, and some may get it very wrong – but it’s not their fault, how on earth could they have been prepared for these moments by their parents?! Most families have some kind of issue to deal with, from special needs, health issues, elderly parents to care for, bullying etc etc – the list goes on. As you say, it’s all relative. I really admire your attitude and am happy that you at least seem to have found some peace with the situation, however much turmoil you are also in. x

    • Thank you and yes I do agree with you. When my very good friend was pregnant I made her promise me that she could talk about the baby all she likes and not to feel bad or guilty that they are ok. I adore her son and love meeting up with them and the same with my other friends and their children – especially my sister. I’m so used to Samuel being the way he is. It’s normal. Very normal for us.
      Thanks for reading and for your kind comments. xx

  2. Yeah, I think we all go through this in “our world” whether it’s people being nervous about how to ask about our kids or nervous about how they speak about their own kids.

    I like to say (and blog) that when it is done correctly ALL parenting is hard. Karin and I don’t have it harder than other parents, our challenges are just different than theirs.

    Not harder, just different.

  3. I know some friends have been reluctant to talk about the problems that they have with their kids because they feel that they don’t compare with the difficulties that I face with mine. And I feel sad about that, because their problems are just as valid as mine. As you say, they’re different. Though I have to say that the differences seem to get larger as the children do, or perhaps that’s just my experience.

    • I know, I think my sister sometimes finds it difficult to tell me about the odd problem my niece may have at school. But I don’t mind at all. I do believe s Eric from pressuresupport.com said all parenting is hard. We don’t necessarily have it harder than other parents, our challenges are just very different from theirs.

      Samuel is only 15 months, so I guess only time will tell if/when/how this changes.

      Thanks for reading. x

  4. we are there for our friends just as they are there for us. we all carry our own burdens and we need to remember that we don’t know what another person may be experiencing and we won’t know unless we talk about it. children are children. being a parent is tough no matter the situation; we just deal with different challenges in different ways. but it’s always good to talk, to offer support and be supported in return

  5. yes it does make you appreciate what you have when you see other people with less than perfect, my grandson is undergoing tests at the moment, and we count our blessings they have rules out really nasty illnesses, and what he probably has is only life threatening under certain circumstances, some parents would be horrified with the results but we appreciate it could have been worse, and we all have our moans and complaints as we are all human after all.

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