I turn 32 on 4th May (no ‘may the fourth be with you’ jokes please). I’ve got no problem with saying it out loud and no problem with you knowing it.
It does feel a bit strange, I mean my husband and I have been together since we were 19 and it kind of felt that we would stay in our mid twenties forever.
I can’t really remember if I had any great plans, if I had high hopes to have achieved certain things by this age. I think I’d envisaged I’d have a good PR career. But I also wanted to be a mum, I know that. Well I’ve achieved that with bells on. I’ve got the most gorgeous little boy imaginable.
I think I thought that by now we would be talking about more children. It wasn’t easy falling pregnant with Samuel, it took quite a long time (my eggs were extremely lazy), so I guess if things had been different we might be already thinking of trying again. But things are very different now. We aren’t like other people who can just say, ‘hey, do you fancy having another one’ and just stop taking the contraception and just go for it.
But you know, it might sound funny, but being on this adventure with Samuel and seeing the other children at Julia’s House makes me feel that it would be wrong to be all dramatic about getting older. Samuel isn’t expected to be here for his 32nd birthday and even if he was, he wouldn’t be in a position to be bothered by it. There are all these children that will never make it as far as us. Will never drive, will never marry, will never have a job, worry about paying the mortgage, have children, wonder who to vote for at the elections.
I think it’s almost greedy to not appreciate what we have. What we’ve achieved. I mean children like Samuel wont be in a position to pick and choose what they do for their birthday. They wont get the option to drive a car, to maybe go to university, to fall in love, to have children.
I know life sucks sometimes. It can throw things at you that are just horrible and unfair. Our precious loved ones die, or a relationship ends. But we’ve had the chance to love, to actively know and understand love. To make mistakes, to have a good old row and make up afterwards. Children like Samuel wont ever get that chance.
So I feel that we owe it to them to really enjoy and appreciate what we have. Even if it isn’t very much. We can go outside, stand tall and breath in the Spring air, watch the birds, watch the children play on their trampolines. We’ve got so much by just getting this far. For Sam, 32 is unthinkable, unimaginable. As for him being able to experience what we can, that’s another world away.
I’m not sure what we will be doing to mark my birthday this year. I don’t really drink anymore, so don’t expect any tales on twitter of drunken antics. But I do know that I will spend it with my two boys who I love more than anything and take a moment to really appreciate, really acknowledge just how lucky I am.
Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet. Cherish them…