Mum

It’s Mothering Sunday tomorrow. My second with Samuel, for which I feel very privileged. I think by now regular readers will know how I feel about my role as a Mum. But I thought given the day it is, I should tell you something about my Mum. She’s a bit daft. She’s quite quirky. She sometimes drives me bonkers. She is very, very fond of Alan Titchmarsh. But she’s my Mum and I absolutely adore her.

My Mum had a very rough start in life. Her father died when she was only five and that left her in the care of her mother. Her mother was not designed to be a mother. She suffered from schizophrenia and manic depression and while of course that doesn’t make her a bad person, she couldn’t help it, she wasn’t maternal or particularly interested in the care of my mother.

My Mum was essentially brought up by the nuns who taught her and cared for her at boarding school. They were strict (and she did get expelled from a couple of schools, so wasn’t an angel), but they did show her love. My Grandmother (who I never met) would often tell my Mum that she was ugly and no man on earth would love her and she would never have children. She told lies to my Mum and about my Mum. She hurt my Mum both mentally and physically. My Mum did have relatives who cared for her, but they didn’t want to intervene for fear of being banned from seeing her. My mother was born in 1946, so Social Services wasn’t like it is today.

But then when she was aged 25 she met my father and her real life began.

Me, Samuel's mum, as a baby - remind you of anyone?

I’ve grown up always knowing, never ever doubting how much she loves my sister and I. As we grew up she swamped us with love. Even when I had hideous dress sense and probably looked a state, she’d always tell me how beautiful I was, how I was her beautiful girl.  Many cats, rabbits and friends of mine along the way have benefited from her natural maternal love!

Sure, she probably made the odd mistake, she’s not perfect, but that’s only because she’s human. She showed my sister and I what it was to be a mother and the enormous capacity we have to love as mothers.

She’s a Grannie now. Yes a Grannie with an ie at the end. She has two Grandaughters and well, you all know Samuel. She adores the children. She talks about them all the time to anyone who would listen. She is very proud of her family. She makes the children lots of beautiful handmade things and I know that in every single thing she makes, even the bobble hat to match Sam’s cardigan, so much love and care has gone into it.

When things were tricky when Sam was in NICU she was there on the phone for me to cry to. I told her my worst fears. I’m very frank with her about his condition, I don’t sugar coat anything. She rings up all the time to see how we are and how the boy is doing. She wants to know every detail about how our appointments have gone.

I tell her a lot that I love her. We always end our phone calls by saying ‘I love you’. If I ever lost her, my heart would break beyond repair. She’s my Mum.

(My Dad’s pretty cool too, but that’s for another day.)

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11 thoughts on “Mum

  1. So much love! It’s truly wonderful that your mum didn’t let her unfortunate childhood colour how she embraced motherhood (and Granniehood) so completely. It is also really good to read about a loving, caring family unit for once… long may it continue X

    • Thanks MoVo. She is quite daft at times, but she’s always been the same and always been there for us. I thought it was important if talking about her to explain her background as instead of making her dotty (which it could have done, would have been quite understandable too) it just made her want to be a better mum. xxx

  2. Love the fluffy suit you’re wearing in your pic. I think we can forgive her for being a Titchmarsh fan, as vices go, that’s relatively harmless!
    She sounds like a great mum. I know I shocked you the other day with the comments I made about mine but your mother is a better person than me because I had the same mental/verbal abuse from my mum and I can forgive her for the lasting damage. Your mum sounds just as, or nearly as brilliant a mum as you.

    • Thank you, very much. My mum’s mum died when Mum was about 26 years old, so I think as time has gone on it has been easier to forgive. She says that she knows her mum was mentally ill and there is no point hating her anymore. She has the emotional scars, but my father has helped to heal most of those. She taught me so much about love. I’m very proud of her.

  3. Pingback: 19-03-12 Love Mummy Weekly Showcase | Love All Blogs

  4. What a beautiful blog post about a wonderful woman. I know I haven’t seen your mum for a long time, but I still remember all the love she showed me as my godmother when I was a child. I was a very lucky goddaughter!

    I can just imagine her spoiling Samuel too 🙂

    (Sorry for the very delayed comment. It takes me a while to catch up with blog posts, but I get there! xx)

    • Thank you so much. Mum is still the same as she always was. I know she feels very sad (as I do) that we lost touch. Mum isn’t well known for keeping in touch with people and does suffer from a bit of ‘out of sight, out of mind’ syndrome. But she was always so very fond of you and I know your mum was such a dear friend to her. x

  5. It’s easy to forget what things were like before facebook, twitter, etc. – so easy to lose touch back then. But I still think of her – and you all – with much fondness.

    I was telling my mum that you and I were catching up when she came to stay a while ago and she was really thrilled that we were back in touch. I think she feels very sad that we lost touch too.

    We are back in touch and that’s the important thing x

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