Sending kisses to heaven

This year I’ve heard such heartbreaking stories that have stopped me doing what I was doing and give Samuel an almighty squeeze and cry. Stories of unimaginable heartbreak and loss.

Loss. I’m terrified of loss. The idea of losing Samuel or his Dad, my dear Chris, I just can’t bear thinking about it.

I wouldn’t be able to be the Mum I am if it wasn’t for Chris. It’s a cheesy expression I know, but he is my rock.

You know our story. We didn’t think Samuel would make it out of hospital. Then we were given a terrible prognosis. We were told he probably only had months. But he’s still here. The doctors don’t talk about time now because as they admit, they just don’t know with this boy. He’s changed the rules.

But every day I say thank you for having another beautiful day with him.

My heart hurts when I think of the people I know who have lost their child. Yes Samuel has extreme/off the scale epilepsy. He is severely disabled. He will probably always be a little baby. But you know something? He’s here. I can cuddle him, kiss him, fuss over him, as I do constantly.

If you have lost a child I can promise you with all my heart that I will never waste a moment. I will cherish every cuddle.

And to those precious angels in heaven…I blow a kiss to each and every one of you.

Always in my heart…Joshua, Seth, Ben, Charlie, Isaac, Maple, Harry and Cody and my dear brothers we never met but are always with me xx

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